Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Blue Lamp
by BroadwayxBound
Summary: A twisted story that combines Pirates of the Caribbean and a million other stories with a wide array of characters. If you're not up for a laugh and stories with a HUGE twist then this story isn't for you.
1. Chapter Un

Pirates of the Caribbean ;; Curse of the Blue Lamp

**Disclaimer;; The only characters that belong to my friend Rachel and myself are Chelsea and Brittany. All of the other characters range from Captain Jack Sparrow to Jerry Springer. **

**Information about the story;; So me and my friend Rachel got bored one day in science and started writing a note to each other about a character from another story I read and how she was related to my friend who's last name is Turner and she refers herself to being William Turner's sister. (Yes, my friends and I are weird. Be jealous) So at random, we are still writing back and fourth, making up parts of the story from the top of our heads. I can't really explain what it's about, but there is a lot of random pairings such as Chelsea/Jack Sparrow. Brittany/Hayden Christensen / Anakin Skywalker. And Edward Scissorhands gets a few lovers. But looses them. If you love stories that are totally random and have A LOT of laughs, this is the PERFECT story for you. I just decided to post it here and see what kinds of feedback my friend and I get. Rated T for (NO LANGUAGE. We don't see a point in that.) Drinking (it is referred to as rum). Drug Reference. And Pregnancy. Or reference to it anyway. XD just read and review please! (You know you want to! ) 3**

**Chapter 1;**

**(A/n: This is how the note started out and then it goes into story.)**

Hey Chelsea, we figured out the whole "Keira" thing . . .

Keira is Brittany's VERY distant identical cousin. Keira got stranded on the island when Britt and Will left her there (She was bothering them.) Then Jack came to the island to get some of his hidden rum with his wife, Chelsea. Chelsea went to get firewood and Jack found Keira. Jack and Keira are naughty. . Chelsea decided to divorce Jack. (She didn't see them be naughty; she just had a long time to think because the firewood was a LONG WAY away.) Keira thought what she thought in the other story, so Jack and Keira got married but they aren't married anymore.

Jack and Chelsea are back together and they like rum.

And so the real story begins.

Keira runs off with Anakin before Britt gets a chance and then Anakin falls in love with her and Britt finds out. Britt gets with Ichabod to make Anakin jealous and it EVENTUALLY works. So Anakin and Britt get back together, Ichabod and Keira get together, Chelsea and Jack go through their continuous divorces but they'll probably get back together soon and everyone cheats on each other with Charlie and Lola. Then Britt falls in love with Charlie and Lola gets mad because she doesn't like Brittany because Lola likes Anakin. So Lola tries to get with Anakin but the Brittany gets mad yet again and gets back with Anakin and leaves Charlie so Lola goes emo. --

Then Charlie starts to fall for Chelsea and Jack finds out. .

And Chelsea likes Charlie, but Charlie doesn't like rum and Chelsea does so Charlie leaves Chels and Chels goes emo too. Then Chelsea, Keira, Britt and Lola run away to Candy Mountain but there were only two unicorns and they couldn't share them so Britt and Keira leave and when they get home, they find Jack, Anakin, Ichabod and Charlie dancing around the fire with the rum. So Britt and Keira call Chelsea and Chelsea gets mad so she wants to go home. So Lola and the unicorns yell at her and they say, "Shun the non believer! Shun, shun, SHUN!!" So Chelsea slaps the unicorns and murders Lola so on her tombstone it says:

"Here lies Lola, who was scared of combs."

So Chelsea comes back to the island and murders everyone except Britt and Keira because they didn't drink her rum, and Britt cries because Anakin died.

Then Britt ran into a forest to cry under a tree and Chelsea decided to perform a voodoo ritual to bring Jack band and she succeeded then she went to tell Britt and Britt was happy because Chelsea said she could bring Anakin back too. After several tries, Chelsea discovered that she can only perform the ritual once a month, so Keira, Chelsea, Britt and Jack are stuck on the island for two more weeks until the next month. During that time, Britt starts to secretly fall for Jack and the two meet to drink rum when Chelsea goes to get firewood and food with Keira. But what Jack and Britt don't know is that Chelsea could be pregnant with Jack's child. Chelsea and Keira have become best friends and Britt and Jack are getting closer . .

So after two weeks, they can finally bring Anakin back. Anakin comes back, but he has two heads! Or at least that's what everyone thinks but maybe it was because they were all drunk. When they all woke up, they had really bad hangovers but Anakin's head was back to normal. So Britt doesn't like Jack anymore because Anakin's back. So here's what's going on so far.

Britt likes Anakin. Anakin likes Keira and Britt. Keira likes Jack. Chelsea also likes Jack. Chelsea isn't pregnant; Jack's "secret" rum just ran out so now he's moved on to his weed stash. Keira stole the weed and ran away to the other side of the island where she was eaten by a shark. (But Jack saved the weed) So then he gets high and builds a boat in the middle of the night. Then Jack and Chelsea said away to get more rum, so now it's just Britt and Anakin left on the island. . . Alone. Or so they think.

Suddenly Barney jumps out from behind a tree and kidnaps Brittany and Anakin. While he's tying them up to a tree, he hums "I love you, you love me."

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**So I hope you all liked it. I know the writing is a little sloppy and such but I PROMISE you, it gets better. We already have nine chapters written so far.**


	2. Chapter Deux

Disclaimer;; The only characters that belong to my friend Rachel and myself are Chelsea and Brittany. All of the other characters range from Captain Jack Sparrow to Jerry Springer.

**Information;; **** Now I must warn you that it ****may**** get confusing because well, you guys aren't my friends. Not in that way, but like yeah. You MUST read the first chapter before reading this one.. or any other ones at that matter. It just makes sense both ways and if you can't tell already, I (Chelsea) am in LOVE with Johnny Depps character Captain Jack Sparrow and my friend (Brittany) is in LOVE with Hayden Christensen, everything about him. She is determined to marry him some day. Seriously, and my friend Rachel who is co-writing with me, likes to over-exaggerate Jack's addiction to rum.**

**Thanks for the reviews so far! I just want to go ahead and say that if you're going to review and say, "yeah, you and your friends are stupid." " This story sucks" "sounds stupid" and everything else, don't even bother reviewing. Just leave my stories and go bother someone else. Thank you! **

Meanwhile . . .

Jack and Chelsea arrived in Port Royal and headed to the nearest tavern so Jack could retrieve some rum for their next adventure Jack had planned. Chelsea was getting a little tired of rum so she moved on to wine and while Chelsea was waiting for Jack, she ran into Ichabod who was also known as her long lost lover. Behind Ichabod, Willy Wonka showed up. Ichabod gave Chelsea a hug and Chelsea pulled away although it was hard to tell. Little did they know, Jack saw the whole thing….

He saw it on a secret camera hidden in Ichabod's hat. (A/n: Ichabod was really Jack in disguise. He had known all about them and had decided to find out what was going on.) Meanwhile, back on the island, (A/n: Haha sounds like some thing on a reality show! Sorry for my randomness.) Brittany and Hayden are still tied to the tree. Barney had tied them to a tree in the middle of what appeared to be a camp. Britt and Hayden thought that they were completely out of luck when they suddenly saw Jack. At least, it looked like Jack.

" Jack, why did you shave of your beard, cut your hair, dye your hair and why are you wearing all purple?!" exclaimed Hayden.

"I'm not Jack!" replied the guy who apparently wasn't Jack.

"Then who are you?" asked Hayden.

"Who cares who he is? As long as he can untie us!!" said Brittany.

"Oh! I'm Willy Wonka! Welcome to the Land of Depp, and no, I can't untie you.."

All of the sudden, hundreds of guys who looked like Jack appeared out of nowhere.

Brittany started freaking out because she can't stand Jack and one was bad enough for her. Hayden put his free hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. When one of the guys who looked like Johnny came up to them and let them go. The man smiled, as Brittany looked paranoid. The man spoke finally.

"Hi. I'm Mort Reiny. Welcome to the Land of Depp, be sure you don't steal my story or John Shooter will come after you with a shovel. Have a nice day!!" he walked off.

Brittany gave Hayden a confused look and Hayden just shrugged. They thought they were free until Barney took them to a hut and locked them in.

They both woke in the middle of the night to the sound of swords clanking together. Hayden got up and looked out the window to see Barney and Jack sword fighting and Mort trying to get Chelsea while she was up in a tree, trying to keep him away. The reason Mort was trying to get her was because he wanted the wine.

"Give me that wine!" More yelled.

"NO!!" screamed Chelsea.

She threw him Jack's rum though, so he was happy. Meanwhile, Jack and Barney were having a sword fight over who gets to be president of the Land of Depp. Barney was winning because Jack was drunk again. Since Jack was about to be killed by a crazy purple dinosaur, he called out, "Help me, my crazy-not-drunken-identical-brothers!"

They didn't really understand him, mainly because he was drunk and he was slurring his words, but they helped anyway.

Eventually, after fighting for hours, they killed Barney. He died because Edward Scissorhands chopped his head off. They all had a big party because they were happy that Jack was president now. Only, nobody knew that Brittany and Hayden were in the hut, except for Willy and Mort but they were to drunk to remember. Brittany woke to the strong smell of rum. She woke Hayden up and they looked out the small window into the night and saw the strange men sprawled out onto the ground. Britt rolled her eyes when Hayden pointed to Jack who was asleep in the big chair where Barney once was and then Chelsea beside him in the similar chair with a bottle of wine hanging from her hands. Hayden began to wonder if just maybe Jack had beaten Barney so now his only worry was of what would happen to Brittany and him.

**So, hopefully that was good. Sorry if it's confusing, those of you who have done things like this probably know that when you have two or more people writing, it gets crazy. And I'm also sorry for the random coming and going of the characters. But Barney is gone for good, along with Charlie and Lola and I think Mort and Willy are gone for good too. Who knows.**


	3. Chapter Trois

Disclaimer;; The only characters Rachel and I own are Chelsea and Brittany.

**Authors note;; We have a total of twelve or thirteen chapters in our first story, and we just started a sequel and we're on chapter eight or nine. So we're doing well. **

When everyone in the village woke up (and their hangovers wore off), Jack decided that the first law should be that everyone has to get totally wasted at least twice a day. Everyone liked the law, so they decided to go ahead and start following it. Britt and Hayden were still trapped, so they didn't get to follow the law. After about 3 days, Hayden remembered that he had his lightsaber with him. He got it out and used it on the door. They came out and saw Freddy Kreuger hiding behind a bush. "Who are you?" asked Hayden. He didn't say anything, he just smiled so Brittany and Hayden walked away. They saw Jack and Chelsea asleep. Edward, Mort, and Willy Wonka were playing quarters. It was Edward's turn, but he kept missing because he can't throw things very well. All of Willy Wonka's ommpa-loompas were sharing a big bottle of rum. Sands was dancing with an oompa-loompa by the fire.

Hayden and Britt were worried about what Jack might do when he woke up, especially after reading the first law. They decided to go take a walk around the island and down on the beach. When they were walking down the beach, they saw Pintel and Ragetti running from their little boat out in the water carrying a medium sized blue lamp with the dog following closely behind.

Hayden and Britt caught up to them and asked what they were doing.

"We just got done fighting the Swambabi people. We had to save our little friend here and on our way out, we retrieved this lamp." Pintel said, almost out of breath. Ragetti nodded cleaning the sand off of his eye.

"Oh, how interesting…" Brittany said, rolling her eyes.

"So what's so great about that lamp anyway?" Hayden asked.

"You be tellin' me ya never heard of the curse of the blue lamp?!" Pintel said, surprised.

"Uhmm… no." Hayden and Brittany said in unison.

"It's only the most known curse in the entire world." Ragetti said.

"Then why hasn't Jack said anything about it?" Britt asked.

"Jack Sparrow?!" Ragetti asked

"Captain." Hayden corrected him.

"Oh, well I haven't heard from Captain since he got taken by the Kraken…" Ragetti sighed.

"I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!!" Pintel said, grinning.

"Well he's alive… well, I'm not sure if he's conscious at the moment, but he's alive." Hayden said uneasily.

"Well take us to our Capt'n." Pintel demanded.

"Okay" Hayden said as he took Britt's hand as they lead Pintel, the dog, and Ragetti, who was carrying the lamp, to see Jack and Chelsea.

When Jack saw the lamp, he started running around screaming like a retarded monkey. "You found me lamp!!" he said as he came up to the returning group.

"Yes capt'n, and we also found your jar of dirt." Said Pintel.

"Yay! I've got my jar of dirt!!" when Pintel handed Jack the jar, Jack dropped it and it broke. "Where's the thump-thump?!" Jack exclaimed.

"Umm sir… Davy Jones took that back in the last movie.." Said Ragetti, "Don't you remember?"

"Sorry, I'm still wasted…"


	4. Chapter Quatre

Disclaimer;; The only characters Rachel and I own are Chelsea and Brittany.

**Authors note;; So I'll probably updating a lot this weekend because I don't have that much to do. If you're just starting to read this, it might seem kinda stupid but yeah. I'm just posting it here to get some feedback.**

Jack, Chelsea, Brittany, Hayden, Ragetti, Pintel, Will, and Edward decided that they wanted to go on a journey. They spent two weeks building a new ship (because the Kraken ate the Black Pearl and Chelsea and Jack were drunk when they got back from getting rum and they tried to park the boat on the island and they wound up shipwrecking on some rocks.) After all their hard work building, Willy Wonka informed them that there was a private airplane available for use by the president of Deppland and anyone he wanted to take with him. So Jack decided to take everyone on the island (except for the cannibalistic people) to Disney World.

When they got there, the first ride that Jack, Will, Pintel, and Ragetti wanted to ride was Pirates of the Caribbean, so that's where they all went. Poor Edward.. he wated to ride the Dumbo ride. Anyways, Jack was drunk again. (They had a free bar on the plane) When Jack saw the guy playing him, he shot him, so the park police took Jack into custody.

Chelsea, Edward, Pintel, Ragetti, and Britt waited while Hayden and Will tried to negotiate with the police on letting Jack go. The police laughed at Hayden when he threatened to use the force on them. Hayden glared at the men as Will held him back. Will just gave the men the $50 and they released Jack but told him to stay away from alcohol for a while. Jack rolled his eyes as Hayden gave Will a questioning look.

"Where did you get that American money?" Hayden asked Will as they were heading back to the garden area outside of the police headquarters where everyone else was waiting.

"I did some trading with an old American friend." Will smiled

"Well that's nice, I was almost certain that they would end up hanging our poor capt'n." Hayden said frowning, using his "pirate" talk.

"This is America Hayden, they don't hang people very often.."

Will and Hayden noticed that Jack was being awfully quiet so they looked back and saw that he wasn't there. They looked ahead and saw him hugging Chelsea so he must have ran ahead when they were talking.

After t hat, the group decided not to go back to the Pirate ride. Instead, they went to ride Splash Mountain although Edward couldn't ride because his scissors would get all rusty, so Edward and Ragetti went to ride Dumbo because Edward was too scared to ride Tower of Terror. When the group met up at the castle (Jack, Chels, Britt, Hayden, Will, and Pintel being soaking wet), they all waited for the fireworks. Edward got scared and jumped which caused Ragetti's eye to pop out. He bent down and got it and got back up to come face-to-face with a very pretty girl. He learned that her name was Princess Jasmine. The two talked and watched the fireworks together. After they were over, Ragetti asked Jasmine if she wanted to come back to the land of Depp with them and she said yes. Everyone got back on the plane and they soon arrived back to the land of Depp.

When they arrived, they saw a wedding chapel with no priest. Ragetti proposed to Jasmine and she said yes. They wanted to get married at that very moment, but who would marry them? Apparently, Jack, as a captain, was certified to perform a marriage ceremony, so he volunteered. With a bottle in his hand, Jack started the service.

"We are gathered he-hiccup-re today to joi-" he was interrupted by Jasmine.

"I'm sorry captain, but can we speed things up a bit?"

"Why?" asked Ragetti.

"Well…uhm.. At the stroke of midnight, I turn back into my original form." She replied, looking at her watch, which read 11:55

"Oh, like in that one movie, with those hiccup green folks, and the hiccup onion, and the don-hiccup-key." Said a wasted Jack

"Jack, shut up." Said Will.

"He-haw…" said Jack drearily "..Donkey…"

"Honey, what do you turn into?" asked Ragetti.

"I don't want to say.." Said Jasmine.

"Sweetheart, I'll love you no matter what. Even if you turn into a hideous, ugly man."

Suddenly, there was a bright light and Jasmine rose up in to air. She was surrounded by fog, so no one could see what was happening to her. When she came back down, she looked a little hairier, and bulkier, and her hair was shorter.

"Jasmine, what happened to you?!" Ragetti asked surprised.

"Actually," came a deep voice, "I'm not exactly Jasmine, I'm Jason."

"Oh my gosh." Said everyone collectively. Jason went and took Ragetti's hands

"Honey, I'll be back to normal by sunrise tomorrow morning." She.. I mean he said.

"Will you still marry me?"

Ragetti looked to his friends for support. They all turned away and pretended they hadn't seen him look over. Edward started whistling.

Ragetti had finally made up his mind. "Jasmine.. Uhm. I mean Jason." Ragetti sighed. "HECK NO!"

So they took Jasmine, or Jason back to Disney World and left her.. I mean him, okay, it there and they went back to the island. But they still had a problem… Poor Edward was lonely

**A/n; So this one was a little longer.****  
****Hope you guys like it. Things should get more interesting.**


	5. Chapter Cinq

Disclaimer;; Yeah.. same as always!

But what they didn't know was that Ariel (who was now a human), hid in the back of the airplane. When they got back to the island, Ariel jumped out of the emergency exit and hid in a tree.

Ariel had fallowed them because she had thought that Edward's scissor-hands were attractive. When Edward walked underneath the tree she was hiding in, she jumped down. She was trying to land on Edwards' back, but she missed and landed on the ground and was knocked unconscious. Edward didn't see her and so he kept walking. Ariel just laid there while everyone else walked to the other side of the island. I guess Edward will have to find another lover…

It was 12:30 am and pitch black, Britt was the only one at the camp (the others had went to do things like gather firewood, get food.. and other things.) Britt was humming the theme to Star Wars while she was hanging up clothes. Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from the bushes. She stopped humming

"Who's there?" She asked

"I'm Freddy Krueger!" replied the bushes.

"Yeah, sure!" said Britt. "You can come out now Chelsea.."

But when she saw Chelsea running away in the opposite direction screaming "It's Freddy Krueger!!", Britt knew that it really was Freddy. He stepped out of the bushes and started chasing Brittany through the woods. He had a magical transporter device, which he used on Britt. When she looked around, she was running down Elm Street. When she looked at her watch, it said that it was Friday, October 13th! While she was busy freaking out, Freddy grabbed her. She passed out and Freddy pulled her down the street..

(to be continued)


	6. Chapter Six

When Britt woke up, she was in her bedroom holding Freddy's hat. Chels, Jack, and Hayden were there too. They were all sitting on her bed. Suddenly, they all felt really tired. Chels noticed a container of sleeping pills that looked like it was missing about four or so. Jack picked it up and read the side.

"Oh no, Chelsea!" he exclaimed. "We're gonna –yawn- die!"

"What are you talking about Jack?"

"It says 'Don't take with alcohol.'"

After a few minutes, the all fell asleep. Suddenly, the bed started to suck them in…

After they had been sucked in, they found themselves in a back yard surrounded by a fence and trees with an old shed and campfire. They all heard a noise, which sounded as if someone was scratching their nails on a chalkboard. Both Chelsea and Brittany screamed when they saw a shadow of a man with sharp blades for hands and a hat. Chels jumped into Jacks lap and screamed, "It's Freddy!!" Britt agreed but Jack and Hayden started laughing when they saw Edward come into view.

"Where did you get that hat Edward?" Britt asked.

"In your room. I thought it was silly!" Edward smiled as he sat the hat on the ground

"Hey, why does it say Fred Kruger in it?" Edward asked as he sat it down.

"Because the owner liked it and was bored with life and wrote his name in it….DUH!" Hayden said.

Just then, they heard another high pitched scratching noise.

"Edward! Stop it!" Chels said, moving closer to Jack once again.

"It's not me! I swear!" Edward cried, sitting on the ground.

The scratching got louder and closer and Chels and Britt gave each other worried looks. They both screamed when they saw Freddy come around the corner of the shed. Right then, Edward felt the need to be heroic, especially when he saw that Freddy only had one set of "scissor hands", and he had two.

"Leave my friends alone!" Edward said, standing up.

"Aww. Poor Eddy standing up for his little helpless friends?" Freddy started to laugh.

"Freddy, I challenger you to a scissor war!"

"Alright little Edward, but be prepared to loose.. or better yet, DIE!"


	7. Chapter Sept

Edward and Freddy got ready to battle. Freddy sharpened his blades. Edward chased a butterfly. Soon, it was time for the match. They both stepped up to each other. Edward tried to make an angry face, but he just looked silly. Freddy laughed at him.

"Let's make this battle more interesting." Freddy said, "We'll have three matches. I'll pick the first one, you pick the second, and someone else will pick the last one."

"Okay" said Edward. He was still watching the butterfly.

"My turn first." Said Freddy, "And I pick a scissor war!"

So they had a scissor war. Freddy won because he distracted Edward by stabbing the butterfly. Poor Edward, he cried.

Then it was Edward's turn. He picked hedge cutting. Edward made a pretty memorial for the butterfly. Freddy said that he made someone screaming in pain, but it just looked like a blob. So Edward won and danced around in circles.

On the last match, Britt got to pick.

"Uhm.. uhh… DDR!" she exclaimed. "You have to play Captain Jack on heavy!!"

"Hehe…" Freddy said. He figured that Edward couldn't play, seeing he cried over a dead butterfly. But what Freddy didn't know was that Edward loved to play DDR and Captain Jack was his least favorite song, but he could do it on heavy. Freddy had no idea how to play this DDR device but it was worth a try.

Britt set up the DDR mats and TV and got the game ready. Freddy was stretching his legs, trying to look professional while Edward was chasing a butterfly (again) and humming a tune. Freddy thought it was some song that he made up but it was really the song they were about to play. Edward and Freddy got their mats and Britt started the music and they started. All of the sudden, Freddy went blank. He didn't know what to do and all of the arrows confused him and Edward was just going on and doing great. Then, Freddy passed out right as Edward finished.

"I WIN!" yelled Edward, jumping up and down. Jack and Hayden dragged Freddy away and ordered Pintel and Ragetti to take him to the swambami people after they tranquilized him.  
Everyone decided to celebrate so later that night they danced around a fire drinking rum. When all of the sudden they heard a strange sound coming from the bushes. They noticed that Jack had been missing for a while….

When they looked in the bushes, they saw Jack playing DDR. He looked very drunk.

"Jack, you're not supposed to play when you're drunk. It's a health risk!" said Chelsea.

"Yeah, well hiccup you were and you definitely aren't supposed to be playing when you're pregnant with Hayden's baby!!"

Everyone gasped and turned to look at Hayden and Chelsea. Brittany ran off crying…


	8. Chapter Huit

After a few days, Britt had stopped being sad and had moved on to just being angry. One day she was chasing Hayden through the woods because she wanted to punch him in the face.

"Help me Oprah! Help me Dr. Phil! Help me Jerry Springer!!" yelled Hayden. He was very scared of angry Brittany. Suddenly, three clouds of magical looking dust appeared. Out of the pink dust stepped Oprah. Dr. Phil came out of green dust and of course, Jerry Springer was in a red cloud.

Hayden started screaming like a little girl because Dr. Phil was his hero.

"We're here to help you help yourself." Said Dr. Phil.  
"Oh shut up, Phillip" said Oprah, "You don't even know what you're talking about."  
Dr. Phil looked at her with a confused look on his face. "Dragonflies?"

Oprah sighed. "I rest my case." She said.

Jerry stepped up in front of Britt and Hayden while Oprah and Dr. Phil started fighting. "While those two argue like an old married couple, let me explain what's going on…" he said, "We have a bet going about who can help the most people. You guys are going to help us by coming on all three of our shows and deciding which of us helped you the most."

"What's in this for me?" asked Britt.  
"The truth about your husband and you're friend…"  
"What about me?" asked Hayden, "What do I get?"  
"Public humiliation on nationwide television.."  
"Okay, we're in!" exclaimed Hayden.

The very next day, Hayden and Chelsea got up bright and early to get ready for their day with Dr. Phil and Oprah.  
Britt walked out of her hut wearing all black with black lipstick and very dark eye makeup. Chels and Hayden gave each other confused looks as she walked to the jet.

They got on the jet, Chelsea and Hayden were sitting together and Britt sat in the cockpit. When they got to the studio they met Dr. Phil and started the show.

"So, you all are having problems, right??" Dr. Phil asked, taking a sip of his coffee.  
"Well that might be a good reason as to why we're here isn't it?" Britt said with an attitude.  
"Okay, so what's going on?"  
Brittany stood up, "She." She began, pointing to Chelsea, "Stole my husband and now she's pregnant!"  
"Well, how does that make you feel?"  
"How do you think it makes me feel?" Britt was getting angry.  
"I don't know.. Chelsea, how does that make you feel?"  
"Well that's a stupid question." Chelsea said, rolling her eyes.  
"What she means is that she's the one being blamed by Brittany so she has mixed feelings." Said Hayden.  
"Sure, what he said." Chelsea said.  
"So how does that make you feel?"  
"Will you find a new question to ask?!" Chelsea asked.  
"No. Not until Hayden answers" Dr. Phil said.  
"Well that's all you're asked, so we need a new question." Hayden said, annoyed.  
"I'm sorry. I can't do that…"  
"Well then we might just have to do something about that…" said Chelsea, looking at Brittany. Brittany smiled and they went over and started to beat him up. After a few minutes of brutal fighting, Chelsea and Britt had conquered Dr. Phil and Chelsea took Hayden's hand and Britt followed as they left.

"So does this mean we're friends again and I can have Hayden back?" Brittany asked with a smile.  
"Uhm…. No." Chelsea said. "Now let's go."

They soon arrived to Oprah's studio and walked in. Oprah gave Chelsea a hug and told Hayden and Chelsea congrats on their baby. Brittany just rolled her eyes but smiled when she saw Edward.  
They all went out and sat on the couch and began to talk.

"So Chelsea, I understand that you and Jack had a thing for a long time. Did you know that he came to my show and sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?" Oprah laughed.  
"Yes, he told me." Chelsea said  
"Oh, and then there was this time when she.." she was cut off by Hayden.  
"Are you going to help us?"  
"Uhm.. I didn't know you needed any. Dr. Phil was supposed to do that.. I thought you all just wanted to talk."  
"Alright then, let's go." Chelsea said.  
"Oh, okay then. Bye!" Oprah smiled, "Now for my next guest, Adam Sandler!!" The crowd cheered as Brittany, Chelsea, and Hayden set off for their final chance to settle this, the Jerry Springer show…

When Brittany, Hayden, and Chelsea came into the studio, the crowd went nuts. Jerry approached them and said, "Tonight our crowd really wants to see someone fight, so if somebody wants to… we're not saying you have to, but…"

A stage crew member came up and said, "We're on in ten seconds Mr. Springer." They all took their seats on the stage.

"So…" said Jerry. "I hear you guys have a little problem. What might that be? Chelsea, why don't you tell us?"

The camera zoomed in on Chels. She was watching herself on the little screen. Underneath her face was a box that said "Chelsea aka HOMEWRECKER" That made Chelsea very mad, but it made Britt laugh REALLY hard.

"Well Jerry," Chelsea said through gritted teeth, "Britt is mad because her husband loves me more than he loves her."  
"How do you know that?" asked Jerry.  
"Well, she's not pregnant with his baby, now is she?"  
The crowd cheered, Chelsea smirked and Britt shook with anger.  
"Now, Hayden," said Jerry, "Do you love Chelsea more than you love Brittany?"  
"Of course not!" replied Hayden.  
"Then why did you, quote 'roll around the campfire' with her?"  
"Because I thought she was cheating on me with Edward." Replied a very sad Hayden.  
"You thought I did WHAT?" questioned Brittany.

The line under Hayden's picture changed from "Dirty, Lying, and Cheating Husband" to "Sad, Confused, Upset Husband."

They moved the camera to Britt. Her line said "Enraged Stepmother." When she saw it, she got even madder. "I an NOT that baby's stepmother!" she exclaimed, "You know what, I've had it with this WHOLE thing. Chels, you're the one who told Hayden that I cheated on him, even though I didn't. You're going down!!"

The crowd roared. Britt and Chels prepared to fight. Suddenly, Jack came stumbling out from behind stage. (He was drunk… Again)

"Stop!! Don't hiccup fight!" he exclaimed.  
"Why not?" asked Chelsea.  
"Because," said Jack, "It isn't Hayden's"  
"How would you even know that?" asked Chelsea again.  
"Because you didn't really sleep with him." You were with me the whole time." Jack replied.  
"Then who did I sleep with?" asked Hayden.  
Suddenly, a bit cloud of pink dust appeared. Out of it stepped Oprah.  
"You slept with me, sweetheart." She said.  
"Hayden?! How could you?" asked Brittany. She slapped him in the back of the head.  
"It was Jack's fault." Said Oprah. "He had shared his rum with Hayden that night. Hayden had no idea what he was doing."  
"So this was all your fault?" said Brittany, turning to Jack.  
"Probhiccupably.." Britt ran up to Jack and kicked him repeatedly until he fell over. Then she decided it was really fun, so she kept kicking him.

Hayden came over to Brittany and pulled her away from Jack.

"Brittany?" he said.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm sorry I cheated on you with Oprah."  
"I forgive you."  
"I really do love you."  
"I know. I love you too."  
"Want to go roll around the campfire?"  
"Sure!"

Jerry stepped up to the camera as Britt and Hayden ran off, Chelsea cried, and Jack moaned in pain.  
"Thus ends a very strange episode of 'The Jerry Springer Show'.. Hey Oprah, want to go roll around the campfire with me?"  
"Absolutely!" replied Oprah.  
"But what about me!?" cried Chelsea. "I don't want Jack or his baby. Hayden, come back!!"  
"Hey, dearie, I hiccup lied. You're not hiccup even pregnant." Jack said.  
"Jack!! How could you do this to me?"  
"Sorry. I should probably lay off the rum for a while."

So Jack went away to a rehab center, Chelsea locked herself in her hut, Brittany and Hayden renewed their vows and adopted a Chinese boy, Edward chased another butterfly, and Jerry and Oprah got married. Poor Dr. Phil… He wanted to marry Oprah and he got beat up by two girls instead…


	9. Chapter Neuf

When all the excitement of getting a Chinese son was over, Britt and Hayden decided they didn't really want a foreign baby… So they gave him to Chelsea and Jack. Chelsea and Jack treated him well… They taught him how to play quarters… They loved their new son. Well, at least they did until Child Services came and took him away

They were all sitting around the campfire one night when Britt and Hayden said they had an announcement to make: They were having a baby!!

Suddenly, lightning struck the tree behind them! Out from behind a tree stepped a boy who looked about thirteen. He also looked an awful lot like Jack..

"Who the heck are you!?" exclaimed Chelsea.  
"I'm Johnny Depp." Said the boy, who apparently was Johnny Depp.  
"No you aren't." said Britt. "He is" she pointed at Jack.  
"I know. I'm Johnny from the past. I wanted to come visit myself in the future."  
"Oh.." said everyone at once, except Jack. He had had too much to drink and had fallen off of the log he was sitting on.  
"More importantly," said Johnny 13, "I wanted to see you, Chelsea. In my time, you turned me down. I wanted to see if things were different in the future."  
"Well, duh." Said Hayden. "You guys got married."  
"Well then… Chels? Tomorrow is my fourteenth birthday. My friends and I made a bet that we would all 'roll around the campfire' before we turned fourteen. They all have, but I haven't yet… So future Chelsea, will you…?"  
"Uhmmmm.." said Chelsea.

Suddenly, there was another flash of lighting. An old, bald man stepped out this time. He was wearing Johnny's favorite hat, glasses, and had a funny little beard.  
"Don't do it!" he said in a funny old man voice.  
"Don't do what?" asked Britt.  
"I'm not talking to you, young lady. Why don't you go read the drive through sign at DQ, or something. Chelsea, don't roll around the campfire with him!"  
"How did you know I had just asked her that?" asked Johnny 13.  
"Because," said the old man, "I'm you from the future."

They all heard the twilight zone music.  
"What's going on?" asked Jack, who had heard the music and woken up.  
"Are we having a party?"  
"Yes, Jack. We're having a party." Said Britt, "We're having a slumber party, so go back to sleep."  
"Okay…" said Jack, who then went back to sleep.  
"So, why can't we roll around the campfire, Johnny?…uhm how old are you again?" asked Johnny 13.  
"You can call me Johnny 97. And you can't because it will be the biggest mistake of your lives."  
"Why?" asked Chelsea.  
"Because…" started the old man, but he was interrupted by three alarm clocks that started at the same time. All three Johnny's said, "Nine o'clock already? Time to drink some rum!"


	10. Chapter Dix

Everyone stood around in a daze, still extremely confused about what had just happened.  
"Well that was weird…" Chelsea said as she sat down on a rock by the campfire looking at Jack who was still asleep on the sand.  
"Really…I wonder what he meant." Britt said as her and Hayden sat down as well.  
"What kind of mistake? What's going to happen?" Chelsea said, she was getting a little worried now.  
"Well I couldn't worry. I mean, the worst that could happen is you getting pregnant, but that's not bad." Hayden said as Britt punched him playfully in the arm.

"So you guys are just saying that I need to forget it?" Chelsea asked

"Basically, yeah." Britt said.

"Okay well, I'm going to bed now. Goodnight guys." Chelsea said as she went into her hut and fell asleep.

The next day Chelsea woke up and walked out into the warm sand. She laughed when she saw Jack lying asleep in the sand, but stopped when she saw a girl lying in the sand with him. At first Chelsea froze and thought it was Brittany but when she saw her and Hayden walking back from being out in the ocean, she looked back at Jack.  
Chelsea yelled "JACK" and he immediately jumped up and put his pistol in the air.  
"Jack, calm down. It's only me, your WIFE!"

"Oh, Chelsea. It's you! How are you love?" Jack said as he fixed his waist coat.  
"Well I was just peachy until now." Chelsea glared at Jack, "Who's this and how the heck did she get here?"  
"Erm.. Well, She's…"  
"I'm Mischa Barton and who are you?" The girl said, standing up.  
"I'm Jacks wife, so miss Mischa, why don't you tell me why you're here.."  
"Jack invited me earlier when he was in LA for the Jerry Springer show but my travels got delayed." Mischa said sweetly.

Chelsea glared at both Jack and Mischa. She remembered Jack saying that he would never lie to her again but he betrayed her once more. Chelsea turned to walk away and muttered, "You slut" as she walked off.

--  
**And I suck majorly at updating.  
Oh well, that's okay.**


	11. Chapter Onze

**Disclaimer;; The only characters Rachel and I own are Chelsea and Brittany.**

Chelsea walked through the small, lush jungle on the island when she discovered a small clearing with a small creek leading from the ocean into a small lake _(Rachel commented on how many times I used "small" in that sentence)_ She took a seat on a log when something shiny caught her eye. She looked over and saw a sword sitting on a pair of boots. She then heard a splash and the sound of two girls laughing. She then looked to the lake and saw two boys, one about her age and the other about two years younger, run out of the lake and fall into the grass, laughing about something.

Being as curious as she was, Chelsea made her way over to them. The older one looked up at her and smiled.

"Hullo! I'm King Peter!" He extended his hand and Chelsea shook it.

"I'm Chelsea, it's nice to meet you!"

"I'm Edmund and here come our sisters, Lucy and Susan."

Chelsea greeted the two girls and Peter finally spoke up.

"So Chelsea, what brings you to this part of the island?" he asked.

"Well, my husband cheated on me last night and I needed to blow off some steam."

"I'm Sorry, I'm sure you'll forgive each other soon." Peter said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Chelsea sighed, "I don't think so, this may end up being the end.. I'm ready to divorce him and move on."

"Who is your husband?" asked Lucy.

"Jack Sparrow"

"Who's that?" Edmund asked.

"The most drunken idiot you'll ever meet." Chelsea responded.

"Oh, do you like rum like he does?" Susan asked Chelsea.

"Not really, anymore. It's not very good and it makes me sick now.. so does Jack.."

"Well that's good, not about Jack, but yeah. Hey, it you want, you can come to Narnia with us and stay for a while just to get away." Peter offered.

"You know what, that actually sounds really good right about now. I think I'll come!" Chelsea smiled. She was really starting to like Peter now, and he seemed to be feeling the same way.

The group walked back to the campsite and Chelsea grabbed her things and they got away before anyone noticed.

"So where is this Narnia place?" Chelsea asked as they got back to the clearing.

"Somewhere far from here." Lucy said.  
"Good." Chelsea mumbled under her breath. Peter smiled when he heard it.

"How do we get there?" Chelsea asked

"Well, we have a ship on the other side of the island.. You'll just have to see when we get there." Peter explained.

"Oh, okay."

So one the way back, they talked about their adventures, and Chelsea told them all of her crazy stories. Once they finally got to the ship, Chels was lead to a room with a wardrobe in the back of a room.

Lucy ran over and opened the door and the group followed. Chelsea was confused, but she kept her mouth shut. She took Peters hand as he lead her through all of the coats. She began to feel a light breeze and she saw the light that appeared to be coming from the back.

Chelsea shielded her eyes as she stepped out onto the soft grass. She looked down and saw a beautiful green dress, which looked like Susan's. She also noticed that Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, and even herself appeared to be a few years older.

Chelsea gave Peter a confused look and he took her hand and the group explained all about how they found the wardrobe and why they're older and everything else she needed to know. They finally reached the castle at Cair Paravel and Chelsea was introduced to Mr. And Mrs. Beaver and Mr. Tumnus. Edmund when up to his room, Susan and Lucy went to Mr. Tumnus' house and Peter decided to take Chelsea on a walk through Narnia.

The two talked about everything imaginable. Chelsea told Peter all about what happened with Jack and that she had officially moved on, to Peter, but she decided to leave that detail out. Finally, the two got back to the castle and went out to the balcony and watched the sun set over the ocean.

"You know Chelsea, I'm really glad we met. You're amazing." Peter said. Chelsea smiled.

"Same here, you're amazing too Peter and I know we just met and all, but I think I might like you.." Chelsea said with a slight blush.

"Really?! Because I think I really like you too!" Peter smiled.

The two looked out at the sunset then back to each other and Peter leaned in and kissed Chelsea.

When they finally pulled away, they went back inside the castle and took their seats with Lucy, Susan, and Edmund and had one of the best dinners she had ever had in a long time.

**Authors note;  
****Yay! I updated! And I promise I'm going to have another one posted shortly today.. with a big surprise! A sad surprise because my best friend Rachel is so mean to me. :P**


	12. Chapter Douze

**Disclaimer;; The only characters Rachel and I own are Chelsea and Brittany.**

When Chelsea woke up the next morning, she realized it had all been a dream.  
"No!" She exclaimed, "It couldn't have been a dream! It was _so_ real!!"

She decided to go looking to see if any of it had been true. But none of it was. Britt wasn't pregnant, Mischa had never been one the island, Johnny 13 and Johnny 97 had never come, she had never met the Pevensies at the little lake in the woods. There wasn't even a lake in the woods! In fact, the only thing that had been true was that jack was drunk. (Big surprise)

For the rest of the day, Chelsea sat around being emo. She had decided that she didn't love Jack anymore. Of course, the only way to fix things would be to kill herself. While Jack was still unconscious, she stole his sword and went back to her hut.

"Oh, happy dagger," She said, lifting the sword up and pointing it towards herself.  
"Actually, that's' a sword," said a voice at the door. "And I don't think it's that happy…"  
Chelsea turned around and saw Jack standing in her doorway.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I just wanted to tell you that I love you," Jack replied.

_Sure you do_ thought Chelsea.

"…And I know that you don't love me anymore…" continued Jack. Chelsea turned away so he couldn't see her starting to cry. "I just wanted you to know that I'm leaving. I know you don't want me anymore, so I'm leaving the island." He started to walk away.

"But where will you go?" asked Chelsea.

"To rehab"

"What?!" exclaimed Chelsea, "Why?"

"Because I know how much you hate it when I drink. It's ruining my life and everyone else's too. So I'm going sober. I don't want to hurt you anymore, Chels. And, no, I'm not doing this just so you'll take me back. I'm doing this because I care about you, and I just want you to be happy, and I don't think you'll ever be truly happy until you know I'm not an alcoholic anymore. I love you.."

Chelsea couldn't hide her tears anymore. She cried silently for a while. When she turned around, Jack was gone. She ran out of the hut in time to see Jack boarding a helicopter.

"I love you, too!" she shouted, but he couldn't hear her over the noise. The door shut on the helicopter and Jack was gone for good. Chelsea collapsed on the sand and cried her heart out.

**Authors note;  
See, I didn't lie : ) I'll be posting Chapter Thirteen within the next ten minutes or so as well so I can go ahead and get this whole book up. Then I'll start posting the second one later. All of our books have thirteen chapters exactly..because we're weird like that.**


	13. Chapter Treize The End of Book One

**Disclaimer;; The only characters Rachel and I own are Chelsea and Brittany.**

"Where's Jack?" asked Hayden when Chelsea came to the campfire and sat down on a log. It was pitch black, so Hayden and Britt couldn't see that Chelsea had been crying.  
"He's gone." Said Chelsea quietly.  
"What do you mean, gone?" asked Brittany.  
"He left"  
"Oh. Well, good riddance. He was nothing but an old drunk anyway," said Hayden.  
"Don't you dare talk about him that way!" Shouted Chelsea. She ran away and locked herself in her hut.  
"What'd I do?" asked Hayden. Britt rolled her eyes and then ran off after Chelsea.

When Chelsea finally let Brittany into the hut, Britt saw that everything was a mess.

"Chelsea? What are you doing?"  
"I'm packing"  
"Why?"  
"Because I have to go after him. I love him."  
"But you don't even know which rehab center he went to. Besides, I thought you were going to divorce him."  
"No, I was going to kill myself." Replied Chelsea. As she said this, she saw Jack's sword lying on the ground where she had dropped it. She picked it up and rubbed her finger across the hilt. She gently traced over the same "JS" in the handle.

"Chels, I know you're upset. But look at it this way; he loves you. He loves you enough to give up something he's had since he was thirteen."  
"Sex?"  
"No! Rum.."  
"Oh…"  
"Look, you love him, right?"  
"Yes…"  
"And he loves you, right?"  
"Yes, but…"  
"Well then," Britt interrupted, "Everything's going to work out. It you love each other, you'll be together."  
"Then why is he gone?"  
"Well, maybe you guys just need a little break from each other."  
"I guess…"  
"Just try to go along with life as normally as possible until he gets back."  
"I'll try. I just don't think I'll ever be happy until I'm with him again."  
"Do you think some happy news would cheer you up?" asked Britt with a huge smile on her face.  
"I don't know, maybe…"  
"Good! I didn't think I could keep it a secret any longer!! Hayden and I are having twins!"

This news didn't really cheer Chelsea up much, but she pretended like it did for Brittany's sake.

Over the next few weeks, Chelsea tried to be happy. And she almost succeeded too. That is, until she got a letter from jack. Here's what it said:

_My Dearest Chelsea,  
__I'm writing this to you from rehab. I'm completely sober right now…  
So…  
__Well I just wanted you to know that I miss you. I also miss my rum… I didn't know how bad cereal tastes with milk instead of rum…But I'm not giving in because I know you won't love me anymore if I do.  
__I love you. I hope you love me too. Please don't move on until I come back.  
__I'll write again soon.  
Forever Yours (Even if you don't want me),  
Captain Jack Sparrow_

"Brittany!!" Chelsea screamed after reading the letter, "There's a return address on the letter!! We're going to the Home for the Wayward Pirates!"

**FIN! : )**

**Well.. this book anyways.  
The beginning of Book Two will be up tonight!**


End file.
